How many times have you said yes to something and immediately regretted it or
realized you are already booked? It’s likely this has happened a lot, and it’s not
just you- many of us fall victim to the “yes habit”. We are almost conditioned to
say yes to everything because we seek and gain social validation through our
willingness to contribute.
Some important things to remember about breaking the “yes habit” is that it’s
perfectly fine to say no to the things you desire not to participate in, that you don’t
have to give an answer immediately, and that compromise is normal. For
example, if a coworker asks for your help in solving a problem but you’re too
busy, kindly say no and refer them to someone who may be better able to help.
Or, if your friends want to go out last-minute on a Saturday night but you’re
socially exhausted, you can let them know you need to rest but would love to
make plans with them during the week. We’ve all been overbooked, and
overwhelmed so we should be gracious to our peers when hey say no.
Sometimes however, saying no is not so straightforward. We say yes to
undesirable or unacceptable requests for a variety of reasons including fear of
hurting someone, surprise, power dynamics, and reciprocation. When we say yes
when we really want to say no, it leads to a number of unfortunate repercussions
to our wellbeing. Our stress increases, we have less energy, we may resent the
other person, and can experience a decrease in our self esteem. When we say
yes and mean it, we offer our full effort, motivation, and creativity to that thing
pleasing both parties.
The next time you encounter a request, take a moment to breathe, consider the
request and how it makes you feel, and double check your schedule. Ask
yourself “Do I have the physical time and emotional energy for this?” “Is this a fair
request for this individual to be asking me given our relationship?” And, given you
have the physical time and emotional energy, ask yourself “Do I want to
contribute to this person’s request?” It’s going to be difficult to start saying no
more often, but in time you will find a balance that works for you and feel more
confident in how you navigate your needs and the requests of others.
Shelly Rager is a GTI certified instructor teaching Leader Effectiveness Training in Prescott, Arizona and surrounding areas. Contact Shelly at 909.772.4132 or via email at peakcommunicationnow@gmail.com to schedule a L.E.T workshop today!
